either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
