Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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