We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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