Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
