i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
