I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
