My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
