everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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