I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
