If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
