can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im part way to drunk.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
