hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
