I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
