Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
