I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
