This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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