You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
