dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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