i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
