And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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