You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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