she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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