I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
