I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
