Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't put those talents on a resume
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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