I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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