i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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