I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
