I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
