Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
