i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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