I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
