You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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