It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
