Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
