i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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