i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
