I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
