You can't special order awesome
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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