4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
