you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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