I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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