Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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