My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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