Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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