I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
