Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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