I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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