another moral hangover. fuck.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
