She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
