How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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