I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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