fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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