If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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