just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
