I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
