I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
