I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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