just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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