maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
